Why do we feel the need to compare ourselves to others???
Cade is extremely competitive. He will compete even when it doesn’t make sense to. Ella is 16 months younger than him and in a different math book altogether, but Cade still needs to know that he is further than her in his math book. Why is that? I know one reason is because Cade is a typical first-born. I also know that God has wired him in a way that he is very concerned about details. He is my linear/math minded child.
I also know that some of competitiveness really comes down to insecurity. We try to affirm each child’s importance in our family and appreciate their individuality. I certainly don’t care where he is in his math compared to Ella.
Really, I’m often no different though. Why do I feel such a need to compare myself and then be critical towards others? I guess it comes out of a desire to know that I’m doing a good job at being a wife and mom. Somehow it seems that if others aren’t doing it “right” than I must be. Out of the gate with parenting there is heated controversy ~ natural birth/meds, breastfeed/bottle feed, vaccinations or no, demand feed/schedule, homeschool/public or private. I think there is a place for these conversations, but I’ve often found that instead of us giving grace to one another and helping to educate each other we push our agenda for what we think is “right”. Is God just as unimpressed when I tout how much better my way is, just as I am when Cade tells Ella, “I’m on lesson 25!”?
I think God is more concerned with our attitudes towards one another than any certain philosophy on parenting.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Matthew 22:36-38
I know that when I work to be accepted by others I am prone to a roller-coaster of emotions. When I work to please my Lord then I only need to look to Him to empower me, and I can make decisions based on how He is leading me. It’s a much more restful place:).
Blessings to your family,
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so true and I work on it daily.
It’s such a daily thing for me too!!
I agree whole heartedly. Although I know I am not supposed to compare my kids, I often do. Jacob is my first born and also very competitive. He is very similar to Cade in that he wants to succeed ahead of his siblings. Megan is independent and strong-willed, but probably my most compassionate and sensitive child. Ethan is my most outgoing and energetic child, but maybe not my best listener. And Rylee is my sweet easy-going last born. And see, I’ve already compared them. I often ask God to gently remind me to love them all the same and appreciate all their strengths and differences. If they were all the same, parenting them would be boring.
I also find myself comparing myself to other moms too. I am not a stay-at-home mom. I work and don’t do all the creative home projects that I should with my kids. I don’t volunteer in the schools very often and I don’t chaperone all their field trips. I just can’t do it all. So I frequently ask God to help me stop comparing myself to the other moms and help me to be the best mom I can be.
You (and God) definitely spoke to me today! Thanks Shara!
Thanks for your comment! Such a good point, Melissa. I once heard Swindoll say something like, “If we love our kids completely we will treat them uniquely”. Each of them are created so differently (and I see each of the things you said about your children…Ethan gave me a big hug at AWANA tonight…very sweet:)).
There’s also a big myth out there that we can do it all. No mom can or does. You love your children wholeheartedly and they know that. Blessings to your whole family!