Today was, by far, my most stressful day at WalMart that I’ve had in awhile!  I had just picked up Cade and Ella from a friend’s house because Kirk and I had attended a funeral in the morning.  I should have known going to WalMart in a dress and high heels probably wasn’t the best plan, but how bad could it be?

We started our trek by picking up one of those new carts that seats three children so you feel like you are pushing a train.  Never mind the fact that having 3 children, at a store, by yourself, already makes you the curiosity of everyone in the store.  When you add a cart that is hard to push and huge you receive stares in triplicate.   The kids were excited about the new experience though, and Addie was thrilled to be facing Cade and Ella.  We’re used to the stares and the “Wow, you must be busy!” comments by now anyway.

Things were going splendidly as we picked out nightlights, birthday gifts and started on our journey through the food section.  We said, “no thanks” to the samples and kept cruising.  It was right near the dairy section that I smelled something rather strong.  Sure enough, Addie was poopy, and being the veteran mom that I am, I neglected to bring in a diaper or wipes.  Now, a good mom would hall the children out to the car and change the poor child, but in my great wisdom, I decided that we would just be speedy and change her afterward.  I know that there were several people who got close to my smiling 9 month old only to be turned away by the stench.  Oh well, it made for a quicker trip.

The kids were getting along quite well and enjoying their time.  We were nearing the end in the produce section when I allowed Cade and Ella to get out of their seats.  Somewhere between the apples and the pears Ella let me know that she had to use the bathroom.  With Ella I usually have another 15 minutes from her warning until she absolutely has to go, so I wasn’t panicked yet.  We were about to pick out a watermelon when we saw a friend, and as soon as we began to chat Cade cried out in pain.  Flip flops and the cart are NOT a good combination.  After he calmed down we moved along only to find that the checkout lanes were quite busy.

Now, be it right or wrong, I like to be doing SOMETHING rather than nothing so I, of course, I chose the self-check out lane with my pile of groceries and 3 children in tow versus waiting in line with all the others.  I am not daunted by self-checkout.  It gives the kids more opportunity to help, and it usually goes pretty smoothly.  Well, at our WalMart they are remodeling and that has brought new self-checkout systems as well.  Let’s just say that it was REALLY sensitive today!  This is also the day that I was buying huge amounts of produce so I had to weigh, look-up things and punch in item numbers more than I would care to count.  Did you know that sweet potatoes are under “P” for potato instead of “S” for sweet?  I guess it makes some sense now while I’m sitting here in my quiet living room, but you should realize that at this point stinky Addie is crying with snot coming out of her nose, and Cade and Ella are asking to help and have already pressed on the scale accidentally so the cashier had to come over.  Ella has again reminded me that she needs to use the bathroom and I know my 15 minute buffer is getting narrower.  I am trying to be quick which is causing me to hit the “I don’t want to bag this item” button too many times so the cashier has to make her 7th appearance by now.  I know everyone is thinking, “why in the world didn’t this lady just go to a regular lane!!”  Lemons are not listed on the look-up menu for some strange reason requiring me to ask for assistance again.

Cade now lets me know that he needs to use the bathroom.  His time buffer is about 3 minutes top.  Addie is still fussing, and the sweet cashier has handed me a Kleenex at some point in all of this to wipe her nose, as well as some words of advice about not taking the bags off so quickly from scale.  Finally, I have scanned everything and have all my items in a new cart.  I go to swipe my new debit card only to have it denied (I know I should only be using cash!!).  I try this twice, and it happens again.  Finally, my very sweet and competent cashier pulls me over to her register.  Cade is now at the point of urgency so I break our rule and send him down to use the bathroom by himself.  My card finally clears, and it looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Addie is still crying.  I pick her up to move her to our new cart only to find the she has completely blown through and smells horrendous.  So, here I am pushing a full cart trying to hold a crying Addie so she doesn’t get my dress dirty and just laughing to myself.  I wait semi-patiently for Cade and Ella by the bathrooms.  They get out, and it looks like we are finally on our way.  I am cruising along, and Cade runs to the front to hop on.  Once again flip flops and the cart are a bad combination, and I have a 5 year old screaming in pain, and Addie is still crying.

As I am trying to console Cade a sweet lady asks if she can help.  I appreciatively declined as she tells me, “This too shall pass, I so remember those days!”

We got to the car and Addie’s diaper was so bad that I was cleaning her belly button out just to give you an idea.  Through it all the kids did so well, but that was my craziest day at WalMart in a long time.

So, when you hear that child screaming through all of the store you can think of me!  It’s humbling to say the least!

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