Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

I was reading an article the other day on the FamilyLife website on  “Avoiding Mama Burnout“.  This quote, written by Susan Yates, has really resonated with me:

“God has given us these exact children in this exact birth order with these exact personalities, not merely so that we can raise them, but in order for them to be His tools in our lives to grow us up into the women He has created us to be. He gave us that strong-willed toddler, that child we just don’t ‘get,’ that one with disabilities. Every child is a gift from God and He will use each one in our lives for good if we let Him. It’s helpful to ask, God, what are you teaching me through this special child of mine? God is full of mercy and full of grace. And He is always faithful.”

I think the tricky part is the remembering to humbly ask God what He is teaching us instead of just trying to “fix” our child.  It was actually at a FamilyLife marriage weekend retreat, that Kirk and I went to before we had kids, that this same principle was really impressed upon me about our spouse as well.  God has placed our family members in our lives to help us to grow and move us along in the sanctification process.  We can either fight that or embrace it.  I like to think of my children as “Little Sanctifiers”.

If you’ve been following with the “Gentleness Challenge” over at Women Living Well you will appreciate this last one about how “Perfect women aren’t real, and real women aren’t perfect”.  Our husbands and children aren’t perfect either, but God can and will use that in our lives to grow us, if we cooperate.

Blessings to your family,

We had the opportunity to serve at Feed My Starving Children a little while ago.  It is a great organization that uses adult and child volunteers to package nutritious meals for starving children all over the world.  We were fortunate to have the organization come to our area and “set up shop” close to home.  I was able to go with Cade and Ella.  Cade was less than excited when we left, but he was quite touched by the experience when it was done.

Sporting Hair Nets

A FMSC Employee Giving us Instructions

Ella Focusing on Placing the Bag Under the Funnel

Ella Scooping Powdered Chicken

Cade Weighing the Bag

You can go to FMSC.org to find out if you have a location near you to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children.  Cade was most proud of the fact that in our 2 hours of volunteer time the group that we were with packed enough food for 47 children to have 1 meal a day for 1 YEAR.  That’s pretty amazing!!

Blessings to your family,

Why do we feel the need to compare ourselves to others???

Cade is extremely competitive.  He will compete even when it doesn’t make sense to.   Ella is 16 months younger than him and in a different math book altogether, but Cade still needs to know that he is further than her in his math book.  Why is that?  I know one reason is because Cade is a typical first-born.  I also know that God has wired him in a way that he is very concerned about details.  He is my linear/math minded child.

I also know that some of competitiveness really comes down to insecurity.  We try to affirm each child’s importance in our family and appreciate their individuality.  I certainly don’t care where he is in his math compared to Ella.

Really, I’m often no different though.  Why do I feel such a need to compare myself and then be critical towards others?  I guess it comes out of a desire to know that I’m doing a good job at being a wife and mom.  Somehow it seems that if others aren’t doing it “right” than I must be.  Out of the gate with parenting there is heated controversy ~ natural birth/meds, breastfeed/bottle feed, vaccinations or no, demand feed/schedule, homeschool/public or private.  I think there is a place for these conversations, but I’ve often found that instead of us giving grace to one another and helping to educate each other we push our agenda for what we think is “right”.  Is God just as unimpressed when I tout how much better my way is, just as I am when Cade tells Ella, “I’m on lesson 25!”?

I think God is more concerned with our attitudes towards one another than any certain philosophy on parenting.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Matthew 22:36-38

I know that when I work to be accepted by others I am prone to a roller-coaster of emotions.  When I work to please my Lord then I only need to look to Him to empower me, and I can make decisions based on how He is leading me.  It’s a much more restful place:).

Blessings to your family,

Things seem to be ever-changing around here.  We find something that works for a time and then shift to something else as the need (or want) arises.

So, here’s what is working for us right now with our chores.  I wrote about how “Day Chores” were working well for us here.  Those have continued to work well for us so I have integrated that into our new chore charts.  I actually downloaded charts from this site so as to not reinvent the wheel.  They are pretty basic charts with the days of the week and then I make a list of their chores for the week that they can check off.  For example, Cade’s chores every morning before breakfast are getting dressed, making his bed, and getting 5 pieces of firewood brought into the house.  Every other day in the evenings  he has vacuuming the kitchen or helping with dishes.  Then his “Day Chores” which are once a week are vacuuming his room (I really like our stick vacuum for the kids:)), shaking rugs, taking out the garbage and dusting.

I know that there is some debate about whether to tie an allowance to chores or not.  For us this has seemed to work well.  The kids get 25 cents for every year old they are at the end of the week if they have completed all of there chores with a happy heart and have done it well.  This has also given us the ability to have the kids take responsibility for their own money.  It cuts down on begging for things in the store because they can spend their money but once it’s gone, it’s gone.  This has also made giving more meaningful to them as it is truly their money.

We also give the option of “bonus” chores from time to time.  The kids can choose to do the chore or not.  They get extra compensation if they choose to do it, but they don’t have to.  I haven’t had them turn me down yet:).  They do have to decide whether they are going to do the chore BEFORE they know what it is though .

So, that is what is working for us right now.

I have consistently struggled to remain consistent in blogging ~ at least I’m consistent at something:).

I have a hard time justifying my time blogging unless most everything else is already done.  Kirk and I joke about the mom who sits blogging while her kids are running around her screaming, the dishes are stacked in the sink and the bills sit unpaid.  Or the mom who creates scenarios to have great pictures and stories for her blog but not for the family experience itself.  It is a balance that I struggle with.  I think there may be a phenomena of really nice looking blogs out there with homes that suffer because of it.

I understand the draw of blogs, pinterest, and skype while being home day in and day out with little ones (and homeschooling).  I think it is important to connect with others.  It can be incredibly encouraging to be in touch with those in your same life stage.  I have one “Skyping friend” in particular.  We bounce ideas off each other and share our joys and struggles through out the day.  We share resources which is really helpful with homeschooling.  I also know that what can be a great thing and helpful to my family can also be a time waster and negatively impact our days.  It’s so easy to sit down to ”research” for curriculum ideas and not realize how much time has gone by.

We don’t have great TV reception and we opt not to pay for any services so internet is our means of getting news.   A while back my speakers went out on my computer and it has honestly been a time saver for me.  News videos just aren’t the same with no sound:).

I’m just hoping that my home looks better than my blog…not from a decorative standpoint but from an investment standpoint.  I hope that our family blog captures a glimpse of our family life instead of me creating a blog to make us look like a great family.  I hope that one day my kids can look at the blog and remember memories we’ve had togther instead of looking and wondering, “who is that family??”

Just a thought.

Many times when the kids are arguing about a toy or not being nice because of something, I will remind them, “Ella is more important than a car” or “Cade is more important than a quarter”.  I just try to emphasize that things will come and go, but that people are eternal.

So, Ella was helping me shred some cheese the other day.  (She is the one who loves to help in the kitchen).  Addie was having some trouble in the other room, and Ella left the kitchen to go help her.  When she came back she said, “Well, Addie is more important than cheese!”

Yes, Addie is more important than cheese ~ thanks for the reminder Ella:).

Sometimes I forget that the kids are more important than whatever I am currently engaged in.  Once again, I’m linking up to the “Gentleness Challenge” over at “Women Living Well”.  This week’s focus is on anger…it’s really good!  I hope that this is as encouraging and challenging for you as it has been for me.

Enjoy!

This morning I told the kids that cereal was the option because we didn’t want to be running late for church.  Addie chose Honey Nut Cheerios, and I poured them into her “Thomas the Train” cereal bowl (this is what a girl gets when she has lots of boy cousins…train bowls).  Addie got milk and was quickly making her way through her cereal.  I was helping Cade and Ella get their cereal when Kirk rounded the corner.

“Um, did you happen to wash that bowl.”

“No…it was on the counter.”

“Hmm…well that’s what I fed the kitty out of last night.”

WHOOPS!  Sorry Addie!  She didn’t seem to mind.

You know when you hear someone speak and you decide you’re going to implement every last thing that they suggested…and then you get home and you really can’t remember much of anything that was said, and you seem to have gone back to just the way things were before?

There was a speaker that I listened to from a conference we went to a couple of years ago.  There was something that I took away from her talk that we still utilize today.  Her name is Melodie Sterrett, and she spoke on “The Balance of Loving Discipline“.  I remember liking most of what she said, but I really couldn’t tell you any specifics anymore except for what she called “Whisper Prayers”.

It’s such a simple concept and yet it is something that really has been such a connection point with our children.  Basically, whisper prayers are prayers that you whisper in your child’s ear while you are in their bed tucking them in at night.  It doesn’t seem all that monumental, but it gives you a chance to be one on one with your child.  It’s the time that I take to think through the day and thank God out-loud for the things I see taking root in my child; to really speak a blessing over them.  It can also be a time that we pray for what can be worked on as well.  Sometimes apologies are made or we laugh about our day.  Many times, after the prayer, the child will ask some deep question that otherwise wouldn’t have been addressed.  Each of our kids love when we whisper pray.

I thought this coincided so well with the “Gentleness Challenge” that I’ve been following on “Women Living Well“.  Whisper prayers can be a great place to start.  A place to maybe confess some of your faults to your child and pray together.  It may be a place to have some healing begin in a strained parent/child relationship.  Or it may just be a place to strengthen an already strong connection.

New Years is a time for setting new goals.  We really all already have goals…we just don’t necessarily look at them as goals all the time.

More gentleness is one of my goals for this year.  One day it seems like I have all kinds of patience for my kids.  They can be putzy (which kids really are), and needing help for every last thing and I’m not one bit irritated.  Then the very next day (or hour) they are doing the very same thing and I am annoyed, bothered and angry with them.  I was thinking about why that is.

I think it comes down to the fact that I am perceiving the kids as blocking my current “goal” at that moment.

I am often frustrated with the kids as I am heading out the door and trying to beat the clock.  The goal: be on time (or at least don’t miss the whole event LOL).  They are blocking that goal.  The lost shoe becomes a huge frustration, and I act toward my kids in a disrespectful and very “ungentle” way.

When I am trying to finish up an email and the kids are arguing I am often less than gracious in how I handle it.  The goal: finish the email.

When my children are disruptive and disorderly in public I get frustrated.  The goal: look like a good mom with good kids.

I’m trying to sit and rest while some children are sleeping and others are outside.  Inevitably, someone wakes early or a glove has fallen off a little hand for the 12th time.  The goal: relaxation.

So, what if THE goal changes in all of these situations to: lean on God to be the best mom I can be?  Can the kids block that goal??

We are running late and my goal is to be the best mom I can be?  Can I do that while we are running late?  Maybe that means re-evaluating and getting up earlier the next time.  Or maybe that means that I take the time to deal with whatever the kids need at that moment and we are late.  See, I can be gentle if the goal is to be a good mom because being a good mom may mean being late in a certain situation.

My goal of finishing the email changes to be the mom God has created me to be, and maybe I won’t miss that teachable moment.  Or maybe it’s time to train my kids in a quiet time for their good as well as my ability to accomplish things.  The kids aren’t in the way…the email is in the way.

What about those disorderly children in public?  If I discipline out of the motivation to look good, then that isn’t for my children’s best interest.  If I do it to help them learn obedience or self-control because that is what God calls me as a mom to do then I am focused on them and not on me.

The change happens when I’m not reliant on what my kids do any more.  I’m only responsible for how I respond to them.

This is something that I need a constant reminder on!  So, when I saw the “Gentleness Challenge“ over at “Women Living Well” I thought it would be a great chance to be reminded throughout the month of January.  You can read Courtney’s “Gentleness Challenge” by clicking the button below.