What if the purpose of marriage wasn’t to make you happy? I know the notion isn’t very romantic and makes every prospective Cinderella cringe. What about finding your Prince Charming, meeting your soul-mate and being “completed”?
I was recently reading a book called, Blessing Your Husband, by Debra Evans. She brings up the question about what marriage is for and why God created it. Happiness may be a by-product of marriage, but it isn’t the purpose. Could that be why so many marriages are failing today? I know that there have been many days that I have been frustrated with Kirk for not meeting my needs. Somewhere I have many times bought into the lie that he is here to make me happy, and when he doesn’t meet up to that expectation I am frustrated, irritated and usually crabby. But, what if when Kirk doesn’t meet what I think I need (real or perceived) I took it as an opportunity to serve, or learn humility, or practice patience, or go to God with my need. Isn’t true love sacrificial? What if, instead of pouting I prayed about how God wants me to respond?
It was at a A Weekend to Remember marriage conference that Kirk and I went to several years back that we learned that the spouse you have is God’s “perfect provision” for you. That does NOT mean your spouse is perfect!! It means that God will use your spouse to refine you and make you more like Him if you allow Him to. WOW! That was pretty revolutionary for me. All the things that are maybe weaknesses (or my perception of weaknesses) in Kirk can be the very things that God will use to change me. The only problem is that there are many times that I work to change Kirk instead of seeking God to change me.
Now, don’t get me wrong…I really enjoy my marriage, and Kirk is a wonderful husband. The fact remains that no matter how “wonderful” your spouse is they will never be perfect and they cannot meet all your needs. What I do know is that my marriage is very different when I change my perspective from being made happy to being changed!